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Copyright © 2007, |
A Short Play (A great play for High Schools,  Edited for a By Stephen Bittrich
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Back to PLAYS page | Back to High School One-Acts page |
Copyright © 2007, |
A Short Play (A great play for High Schools, Edited for a By Stephen Bittrich
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"MIME IN A BOX" BY STEPHEN BITTRICH SETTING: The Village, New York City. AT RISE: A MIME is standing center stage, arms folded, angry. There is a hat for donations slightly downstage and to the right of him. Slightly downstage and to the left of him is LENNY sitting on a crate reading a newspaper. HARV enters stage right. HARV Hey Lenny, what's going on? LENNY Not much, Harv. How's it with you? HARV Same old. You got the scores? LENNY Yeah, the team sucks. HARV Don't I know it. LENNY Yeah. HARV You on a lunch? Jou eat yet? LENNY Nope. But I'm--I'm skippin' lunch today. HARV What are you on a diet or somethin'? Lemme buy you a sub. LENNY I got somethin' going on. I'll take a raincheck. HARV Oh yeah? LENNY Yeah. (HARV notices the MIME for the first time. The MIME is eavesdropping) HARV Hey, who's your nosy friend? LENNY Hmmm? (matter of factly) Oh, that's a mime. HARV For real? LENNY Yeah. HARV (beat) What the hell is a mime? LENNY Umm...like him. You know about mimes, right? HARV Well, I mean, I've seen these guys around before. They're like clowns, right? What's he lookin' for--a hand out? LENNY That's probably what he depends on. HARV You want I should sock him? LENNY No, Harv. Have a little more respect for the street performer. HARV I find these clown guys annoying. LENNY He's not a clown, Harv. He's a mime. Mime has it's roots in commedia dell'arte, not clowning. Have you never heard of Marcel Marceau? Famous French mime? Performed completely without words--just by using gestures. HARV Never heard of him. LENNY Yeah, he's like the Marlon Brando of mimes. French guy. Born in the 1920's. HARV Len, this mime is really startin' ta piss me off. He's pushin' alla my buttons. (to the MIME) Buddy, Buddy, you wanna find some place else ta stand? You wanna get lost? LENNY Harv, Harv, he can't leave. I locked him in his box. HARV Oh. Huh? LENNY Yeah, he's stuck in there. HARV Okay. (beat) I'm not following. LENNY In his box. His imaginary box. HARV Oh, like a pretend box. (beat) What? LENNY (to the MIME) Can you do it for him? (MIME shakes his head "no") LENNY (cont'd) Come on. Do it for him. (MIME shakes his head "no") HARV What do you want him to do, Len? You want I should clock him one? (the MIME does "stuck in a box") LENNY See that Harv? HARV Oh. Yeah. So he's like pretending that he's stuck in a box. LENNY Oh no, he's genuinely stuck in a box. I mean this guy's a professional. And I locked it. HARV I don't see a box. LENNY (profoundly) Well, it's in his mind, Harv, and it's in our minds now too, but that doesn't make it any less real, does it? HARV And you locked it? LENNY Yeah, I came along and... (LENNY mimes taking a gigantic, weighty lock out of his pocket and puts it on the box. HE's actually a pretty good mime.) HARV And that's all it took? And you got this guy locked in? LENNY Yep. HARV Freaky. (beat) So he's like double locked now... LENNY Hmmm? HARV Well, you locked him in earlier, and you just now put another lock on there. LENNY Yeees. Yes, Harv. I spose he is. Yes, he's double locked in there. HARV Hmmm. (beat) Now what? Are you gonna mess with him or what? LENNY I'm definitely going to test the boundries of reality and illusion, Harv. Is that what you mean? HARV Yeah, I guess that's what I mean. (beat) That all he does? The box thing? LENNY I imagine not. Most mimes also do the classic "mime walk." HARV (to the MIME) Do it, mime! Let's see the walk. Mime, come on! (the MIME shakes his head "no") HARV (cont'd) This mime's got an attitude problem, Lenny. LENNY (motioning HARV further downstage) Come here a second. HARV Huh? LENNY Come over here. (THEY move slightly downstage) HARV What? LENNY (sotto voce) You're never going to get him to do the walk by pissing him off. Harv, mimes aren't stupid. No, no, you've gotta use psychology on him. These mimes are a very proud and sensitive lot. HARV Psychology? LENNY Yeah. Look, just follow my lead, okay? HARV I'm with ya, Len. LENNY (louder) And you see, Harv, that is why he can't do the mime walk. He's just not skilled enough to do the walk inside a small space--inside the box. He needs more room. HARV Makes perfect sense to me. Of course. Not skilled enough. (the MIME mimes a big temper tantrum, then begins to expertly walk in place inside the box. HE runs into the walls of the box as he walks one way, turns around and walks in the opposite way, never walking too far before HE runs into the box wall. LENNY and HARV pretend not to notice at first, but HARV can't help himself--) HARV (cont'd) Hey, that's pretty messed up. LENNY See, this guy's a professional...even incorporated the box into the whole walk thing. HARV Yeah, a real pro. (beat, meaningfully) Hey Len, is the lock...a combination lock? Or...? LENNY --a key lock. Here's the key for the second lock. (LENNY takes a cumbersome imaginary key necklace off from around his neck) HARV Can I see? LENNY Sure. (handing HARV the imaginary key necklace) And the other one's in my pocket...somewhere. (LENNY searches his pockets. HARV eats the key.) LENNY (cont'd) Hey, what the hell did you do that for? HARV I don't know. LENNY You ate the key. HARV Yeah. LENNY Well, well, Harv...I can't keep this guy in here all day...while you digest the thing...fish it out of the toilet. HARV (suddenly disturbed) But...I mean...can't you cut it off with a--a lock cutter? (the MIME and LENNY do a take to each other like HARV is the biggest idiot in the world) LENNY Are you kidding me? Where am I going to get a lock cutter of that--that size? I don't even think this lock can be cut. It's huge! HARV I dunno. I--I--I wasn't thinking. LENNY No, you weren't thinking at all. This is serious. I mean, there's only so much oxygen in there. (the MIME starts doing a "running out of air" mime.) HARV I'm sorry I ate it, Lenny. LENNY Well, you should be. HARV I don't know what came over me. LENNY I'm very upset. HARV I wanted in on the game. LENNY You wanted--? (beat, understanding) Of course you did, Harv. Of course you did. HARV Sorry. LENNY Don't worry about it. Don't worry at all. We'll figure it out. HARV I still don't see why we can't use a big ass "mime" lock cutter. LENNY (taking him firmly by the shoulders) Harv. HARV Yes? LENNY It's because of what I believe about the lock. It's because of the obstacles in my mind. HARV (agreeing, but bewildered) Uh huh. LENNY I believe this lock, this second lock to be the most massive, indestructable lock known to man. THAT'S WHAT I BELIEVE, HARV! HARV Wow. LENNY It's my ideal of lock...of what is "lockness," "locknessity," "locktitude." HARV Had a few bikes stolen? You've got issues right? LENNY It's perfection, Harv. It's per-fec-tion. HARV So, so because that's what you believe, then...that's what it is. LENNY Well, I spose...I mean the only way it really works is...if I share in a common belief with-- HARV --the mime! LENNY Exactly-- HARV But not me? LENNY Well-- HARV I mean because maybe I had a different picture of the lock. LENNY Maybe? Did you see me put the lock on? HARV Yes. LENNY What picture did you get of the lock? HARV Massive lock. LENNY You see... HARV Okay, I see what yer sayin'...but, I'm just sayin', your idea could be different than mine. (suddenly to the mime--in a panic) Hang on there, fella! We'll get you out! LENNY (philosophically, to the air) We're all chained up in a cave, Harv, just looking at flickering shadows on a wall. HARV Lenny, how do you see the box? LENNY The box? HARV Yes, the box! How do you see it? LENNY Lenny, this box is made of multi-layered bulletproof glass bonded together with titanuim steel bolts, hinges, and corner pieces. HARV I see it as kind of a flimsy cardboard box, Len...with a little cut out window. LENNY You think I'd lock a cardboard box? I mean-- HARV Well... LENNY It's bulletproof glass, Harv! Multi-layered bulletproof glass! HARV I just don't see it. LENNY A cardboard box. How ridiculous! He could just gnaw his way out. HARV That's what I see. LENNY I mean, for this to work, I believe we must have a shared experience, Harv, and you're mucking it all up. Mucking up the works! (to the MIME) Am I right? HARV (blurting out, as if struck by lightning) If there's nobody around to hear a mime scream, does he really make a sound? LENNY What? HARV (trying to remember what HE said) If there's nobody around...to hear a mime scream...does he really make a sound? LENNY Hmmm. HARV Know what I mean? LENNY I think I do. Wow. That's a mouthful. HARV (proud, then after a beat) I say we set fire to the box! LENNY Yeah...say what? HARV And then leave! LENNY And this accomplishes what? HARV Um, um, to see if it...you know...it's a test. LENNY Nobody around to hear a mime scream, does he make a sound? HARV Right. But we can't be around. We've gotta leave. LENNY But..if we leave, how will we know? HARV Didn't think of that... LENNY No, you didn't. HARV But it doesn't work unless we leave. LENNY No, I spose not. HARV I think we should do it. LENNY I would be curious to test this theory. But as far as I can determine, it's untestable. HARV Well, the mime will know the result. LENNY True that. HARV Also, we'll know pretty quickly if the box burns... LENNY ...if it's make of cardboard or glass! HARV Exactly. LENNY Seems a little unfair to... (indicating the MIME) ...you know. I mean, we were starting to bond. HARV Hey, you know, you roll the dice, you take your chances. He's out here pretending to be stuck in a box... (HARV does a quick "stuck in a box" mime) ...ya know? LENNY I spose. HARV That's the way the ball bounces. LENNY (after a beat) Okay, light it up. (With great attention to detail, HARV takes an imaginary can of lighter fluid out of his pocket and squirts an imaginary flammable liquid on the box. The MIME is horrified) LENNY (cont'd) Okay, not too much. If it's cardboard, it shouldn't need much help. (HARV takes an imaginary box of kitchen matches out of his pocket) LENNY (cont'd) Kitchen matches. Nice. HARV You want to do the honors, Lenny? LENNY No, no, please. You're doing an amazing job, Harv. Very impressive. (HARV, stepping back, lights an imaginary match. HE looks to LENNY as if to say "might want to stand back." LENNY crosses behind HARV. HARV tosses the match at the base of the box. THEY watch the box go up in "flames") LENNY (cont'd) Wow. Cardboard. You were right. HARV Look at it burn. LENNY Should we go? HARV We have to. We can't be here! But I do wish I was a fly on the wall, so I could see if he screams or not. LENNY If you were a fly on the wall, then the experiment would be pointless because you'd be here. HARV Oh. Right. LENNY I'll take you up on that sub now. HARV Sure thing, Lenny. I'm a little full myself, all of a sudden, but I'll buy you one. LENNY Passing that key is going to be pure hell. HARV I'm not looking forward to it. LENNY But we'll figure something out. HARV Thanks, Len. LENNY Seems to me, we just need to find someone with a different idea of what is the essence of "key." HARV Right...piece of cake. What is "key"? (THEY exit. The MIME starts to burn, writhing in agony. The lights snap to black and a blood curdling scream is heard)
(END OF PLAY)